Dear friends and readers,
Peace and grace to you in the great name of Jesus Christ.
What an awesome God we serve. I am at once reminded of who exactly He is and what He has done for me. How about you? No? Well, yes of course but really haven't thought about it all that much lately?
Well, for us mere humans, it is not a perfect world is it? Lot's of folks are feeling that way and more.
Are you discouraged with your life in general or perhaps even your ministry? Not growing as fast as you would like or even watching it in the process of decline? Feeling helpless about that? Having family problems? Can't seem to balance family, work, ministry and all the other issues of life? Children seem to be wondering from the Lord? Are you and your spouse drifting slowly apart? Even worse, gone through that nasty divorce and now find yourself raising your children as a working single mother/father? Asking yourself; What in the world happened to my dreams of a perfect life?
Can't seem to find a church within which you fit? Nothing in common with those other folks?
All of these and more, are common problems facing many Christians today. Maybe it's the fast pace of society today. Maybe it is just coming to the realization that you are sincerely tired out. Well, me too some times. Just yesterday my wife was telling me that she was just "OFF", you know one of the days when the you are over here but the rest of the world is over there. Just can't connect and feeling out of it.
Pastors deal with these problems constantly. And we are supposed to have all the answers but the truth is we don't. But what we do have is far more valuable than infinite intelligence. Of course the Bible tells us that "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding" (Proverbs 9:10). As a pastor, the number one tool I have in ministry is in fact the fear of the Lord! One other actually. It helped a lot in my early ministry years when I realized two other things; First, I don't have to have all the answers because I know someone who does. Second, my ministry is not MY ministry. It is His ministry and rise or fall it is my Lord's to do with as He pleases. When my lightening swift mind finally grasped those basic concepts, you would be surprised how much of a load it took from my shoulders.
So why are so many people bothered by so many things? Why is stress such an incredible killer of both body and soul? By soul here I am really referring to that deep seated discouragement that we all feel at times. Maybe there is an answer.
I know that many Pastors have a tendency to "ONLY" teach about an all loving God who made the ultimate sacrifice for us, every word of which is true. But it is not a complete story. Then there are those who teach a full plate of hells fire and brimstone. Not a complete story either. To fully understand God we also need to know that there are certain heavenly lines in the sand that cannot be crossed. If what you are hearing is only a "feel good gospel", when the hard times comes---which they will, you will be ill prepared to deal with any of the problems that I listed at the top of this article. On the other hand if the gospel you are hearing leaves you drained with no hope that you can ever measure up? No, not a balanced approach to the intent of the Gospel. No one should have to "slink" out of church feeling like a failure.
The answer to both of those issues is to read and study the Bible for yourselves. Yes, honor your pastors, support your churches, stay in fellowship. But it is every Christians responsibility to check whatever you are reading or hearing with what the Bible actually says. By the way, I have told my own congregations that very thing for years including their responsibility to hold me accountable to teach only the Bible. Of course sometimes a story to illustrate a Biblical point is called for. After all Jesus did that Himself. BUT and it is a very large BUT!!! We should be teaching what the Bible says not what it does not say. That is the only true course to Biblical wisdom and growth spiritually. And it is the only way we can truly be prepared to navigate the mine fields that life can often present.
Sometimes in life, as Christians walking through a very troubled world, we need to take a giant step back and remember exactly what it was that brought us to faith in the first place. Of course that played out differently for each and everyone of us. But lets take a walk together and see where it takes us. I think it fair to say that in some form, all of us placed our initial faith in Jesus because something was happening in our lives that brought us to the point where we realized we were missing something important. Sometimes described as " a hole" that nothing seemed capable of filling. Then for one reason or another the light came on. That special day arrived when we did come to the knowledge that someone much bigger, much more powerful, much smarter and much more special than we could ever imagine---was really there! Really available and further more really really loved us in ways we knew for certain but simply could not explain. Ah yes, the day we surrendered, the day of our salvation.
Most folks remember that day well. But as time goes by that special memory can fade. Someone from church really hurt you and you dropped out. Not willing to try again because you don't want to get hurt again? Deep down inside you know that the pain was not caused by God but your not so certain anymore about those "other people who say they are Christians"? So now you are a believer but one with no fellowship. No big deal right? You can make it on your own. After all, it's your basic faith that counts, right? Oh yes I have heard that many times. Well, how is that working out for you?
Or, for some the emphasis on learning the Word of God that was so important for you at the beginning has somehow been over taken by the cares of life. Reading the word of God has kind of slidden off your plate. Or church has now become something you do when you have a break from all the other important things that are eating up your time.
The reason I called this blog "BACK TO LIFE BASICS" is because it is intended to remind us all that sometimes we need to slow down and regroup. Ask ourselves some really very important questions and sincerely face the realities of our honest answers.
My wife and I are in ministry and we constantly find that we are "sucked up" in the vacuum of business as usual. We have to take that giant step back ourselves and regroup around the things that are really important. We have to RE-prioritize our lives. Frequently. We have to get back to basics.
First on that list is our own personal relationship with our Lord Jesus Christ, each of us individually. Then as a married couple. Sitting quietly and talking about the word and what we have learned. Sharing about the Lord, about our Eternal destiny, imagining the glories that await us one day in heaven. Praying for each other and together. For our selves, our family, our friends and for Israel. For problems in the world, for our governmental leaders and a myriad of other things than come across our plates.
Then comes our family. Nothing and I mean absolutely nothing can be allowed to come between us as husband and wife. Nothing can interfere with our private family life and nurturing our relationship with each other and our son. Our home is our sanctuary of peace and we do not allow that peace to be shattered. As a pastor, when called upon for counseling I do not do so from my home. I go out to the people concerned, do as the Lord has called me to do but when I have accomplished that I go home to the quiet, peaceful atmosphere that we jealousy nurture. I sincerely believe that is one of the main reasons that I can still function effectively after 33 years of ministry. By keeping my priorities straight.
Then and only then comes job, career, ministry, or whatever it is that people do outside their homes. That includes church participation. Does that shock you that a pastor would recommend always putting family ahead of church? Well I have news for you friends, if your marriage fails, if your family fails, then everything you do has failed. Church is extremely important but on the other hand I can tell you about people so involved with church events that husbands and wives seldom have quiet quality time together. That is a marriage in trouble. And it all goes back to the very same issue. Keeping our priorities straight.
So here is the list by priority; 1). Personal relationship with your Lord. That means personal prayer time and reading His Word. 2). Family, wife and husband and children living and loving one another in a real home environment---sharing meals together, turing off the devices and talking to each other. In other words, not just occupying a house with people surviving under the same roof.
3). Church. If you have been hurt or disillusioned, take a step back and remember that people are not perfect but you are going to church for the Lord and His word and for Christian fellowship. Find another church but don't give up. Christian fellowship is important and there are multitudes of great pastors and friendly churches out there.
Don't confuse "megachurch" with fellowship. I have nothing against big churches. But ask yourself a question? Do you actually know your pastor or do you just see him behind the pulpit once each week? Can you make an appointment with Him for personal counsel when needed? If not choose a smaller intimate fellowship where you actually know your pastor and his wife and his children and the elders and deacons and most importantly, the person sitting next to you as you worship.
Be sure the church you attend teaches the Word of God, not denominational doctrine. If you are home bound because of health or age issues, have your Bible open on your lap as you watch T.V. church. There are some really good, Biblically sound teachers on the television but there are also some real charlatans and hucksters. If you can't confirm what you are hearing in your Bible, change channels. If it's all about wealth and prosperity, change channels. If the message is peppered with one big "begathon" for money don't waste your time. Pray for the right teacher and the Lord will guide you.
.4). Job or career; Do what you do as well as you possibly can but never ever to the exclusion of your family.
So here are some tips for you; You are what you are at this point in your life. You cannot change the past. Yesterdays mistakes are history. Married, single, with children or without. In debt, out of debt, interesting hobby, no hobby. Good job, no job, full time, part time. It is what it is. Not that it cannot be improved over time so look at the areas that you do have some modicum of control over. Sit down and have an honest self evaluation with yourself and your spouse. What things are you doing that really do not have to occupy your time? Be brutal. Cut them. Reboot, make time to spend with the Lord. Make time for each other.
Do you know what I have witnessed for years and years? Including in ministry families. People become so busy with life that they no longer live life to it's fullest.
Now lets talk about marriage: Husbands and wives, treat each other like your partner in marriage is only on loan to you, which by the way they really are. So are your children. My wife and I adopted a severely handicapped little boy. We know full well that God has entrusted HIS SON to us and only for a short time on this earth.
Remember that neither one of you really needs to be right. Neither of you has to have the last say. It is perfectly ok to agree that it is ok to disagree. When push comes to shove in your marriage, table the issue. In most cases it's not an emergency so let it alone for awhile. When you are mad, don't make any decisions for at least 24 hours. Chill out already!
BIG PROBLEM; Spend quality time with each other and with your children. If you don't, when the kids leave home, you have lost them. If you did not take time with them while they were growing up, they will not have time for you when you are growing old.
Problems should meld husbands and wives closer together not drive them apart. Don't find fault. If one of you makes a mistake that causes problems, work through it together. If you do not spend quality time together as a couple, when the kids are grown and gone, you will wake up one morning and realize the person sitting across from you at the breakfast table is a stranger. That is the very definition of a "mid life crisis". And the main reason so many empty nesters go down the road to divorce. So ask yourself a question. Do you really want to start over again in your 40's or 50's? If the answer to that is no? Then take a long look at your life and do something about it before it's too late. In most cases it only takes one of you to reignite that flame of romance and best friendship that once brought you together. Go the extra mile for the one you are sharing life with or plan on traveling alone all the rest of the miles that are left to you.
Nothing in this life is simple or easy. Problems come up. Cancer happens. We loose loved ones, children often stray. Family problems and arguments are not uncommon for any married couple. Finances often go astray. Things are seldom "fair" in this world. But, if you are a Christian reading this article, perhaps it would be good to remember that no human relationship is perfect. There is no such thing as the perfect husband or wife. What makes a loved one perfect for each of us is keeping the Lord at the very center of our marriages.
I will close with a word of advice;
Wives, when was the last time you dressed up and put your make up on just for your husband?
Husbands, when was the last time you brought your wife flowers---just because? Oh and by the way, Got that big beer belly? Bet you didn't when you were courting your wife.
Wives and husbands when was the last time you were at odds but just decided to say "yes honey"?
Wives, when was the last time you cooked him his favorite meal even though it may be a bit on the fattening side?
Husbands, have you ever really realized that being the head of your household is not a Devine right? It is something that must be earned and deserved. It must be freely given by your wife out of respect for you and your decision making abilities.
Folks if you are having problems, turn to your Lord for the answers. Draw closer together and don't allow the slightest bit of light to come between you and your spouse. Change that counts is only one decision away.
God bless you all,
Pastor Rance.
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