Dear friends and readers,
Tired of constant bad news? Me too so it's time to lighten the load, Ease up, chill out, sit back and put yer feet up. Take a deep breath, get on the bus Gus and set yourself free!
ADVICE FER COUNTRY FOLK TO LIVE BY;
It's downright annoying to argue with a fella who knows what he is talking about!
If you run with hounds expect to get fleas!
Coffee is best when it's saucered and blowed!
A little tears absorbs big pains!
Lifes a funny thing. You have to bust some clods before ya can plant a crop!
Debt is like dragging a rock in a cotton sack!
Small minds and big mouths have a way of hookin up!
Don't smoke in the hay loft---er anytime else ifn yer smart!
A mule can't help it if his daddy is a jackass!
Don't stand behing a coughing cow!
Country folks know a lot of stuff that ain't wrote down nowhere!
Hunt every varmint from downwind except a polecat (skunk fer you city fellas)!
It's hard to plant a seedless grape!
An acorn don't fall far from the tree but some nuts roll a long way from their roots!
An ounce of doing is worth a pound of talk!
Don't name a critter you plan to eat!
A single day in the country is worth a month in the city!
ADVICE FER MARRIED FOLK;
Better to have loved and lost than to marry a dairy farmer!
Early to bed and early to rise makes fer healthy families!
Trouble is a private thing, don't lend it and don't borrow any!
A hatful of marital advice still won't buy a cup of coffee.
Ya got ta learn it one day at a time!
Country fences need to be horse high, pig tight, and bull strong.
Married folk need ta build their fences together!
Life is not about how fast you can run
or how high you can climb
but how well you can bounce back!
Happy folk walk side by side!
Keep yer home peaceful
don't let other folks problems through the door!
Always keep drama at the theater!
The first two years of marital bliss can be a rocky road
but don't give up and it smooths out!
Keep skunks, bankers and lawyers at a distance!
Don't let yer wife wear polyester to a weiner roast!
Lettin yer chickens roost over the well is a big mistake!
Life is simpler when you plow around the stumps!
Yellin don't fix nothin!
Ain't nothing better in the evenin than you and yer honey
getting some coffee and hanging out with the horses!
Don't "gobble" in the woods during huntin season!
Country folk will help a fella who is down and out
but they got no use fer free freeloaders!
All marriages have squabbles but don't use yer spurs!
Split the chores, but remember the only thing worse
than a lawn mower that won't start is one that will!
Going to bed mad ain't no fun but it's better than fightin all night.
Besides in the morning most folks don't remember why they was
fightin in the first place!
Don't sell yer mule to buy a plow!
Two can live as cheap as one, if one don't eat!
ADVICE TO COWBOYS;
Yer lady is like fine crystal,
she makes sweet sounds but shatters easy.
Think before ya speak!
ADVICE TO COWGALS;
You ain't goin to change him so pick right
the first time. And remember he ain't crystal,
he's a tin cup full of dents!
The best way ta get around yer spouse is ta hug em!
The best marriage is about 50 years old,
sittin on the porch together
waitin fer the grandkids
and sharing the teeth!
Oh, and if ya want to be happy in yer marriage
dont fergit ta talk with the Lord everyday!
Pastor Rance
Born and raised country!
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